Certain Inevitabilities
by msllamalover
Summary: A Lily/Teddy story. "What has she had with Teddy but mystifying feelings and glances across a crowded room? Kisses on the forehead and hugs that last just a second too long?"


_Disclaimer: Not mine, of course!  
__A/N: This has taken me a while to write, and I hope that it's believable because I tried hard to make it so. I'm sorry if there are mistakes, this is quite a big story to go through on one's own. I hope you like, reviews are great if you can!_

* * *

Lily is sixteen when she first thinks of Teddy as anything other than her older god brother. She doesn't know why it's happened so suddenly, in the summer before her sixth year. Maybe it's because he's older, and charming, or because of the way he scoops her up into a hug and doesn't worry that she's Harry Potter's daughter. She's just Lily and she likes that.

Still, she thinks when she's back at Hogwarts, some things are inevitable. Like how the stones always get swallowed by the Lake, no matter how far she manages to skim them. Like Teddy and Victoire. Inevitable.

* * *

Later, she calls the inevitability fate. It's fate that Teddy and Victoire will be together. It's fate that Lily should be jealous of them. It's probably the most normal thing in Lily's life. The fact that she has to struggle to keep the butterflies at bay when Teddy whispers _anything_ in her ear is _not_ natural. The fact that she hasn't dated a guy in a year is _not_ natural. But really, to be jealous of people who are clearly so happy? That's natural.

After all, it's not like she's ever been really lucky with guys. She's nineteen now, and she doesn't think that she's completely unattractive. But it took her until she was seventeen to find anyone who she actually wanted to date. And even then, it didn't work out so well.

It's when she's nineteen that she hugs Teddy for just a few seconds longer than usual, and he doesn't really seem to notice. He doesn't seem to care, he just holds her tighter before dropping a kiss on the top of her head and letting go. It just makes her feel so _small_, as Teddy links hands with Victoire and the two of them apparate away.

* * *

When Lily's twenty, Victoire announces, not quite privately, that she'd quiet like to get married soon. Teddy visibly blanches and his gaze flickers to her for the briefest of moments before he says that it would be nice to be married.

Lily feels like her stomach has dropped into her feet, but she tries not to let it show. They've really been expecting it for months, years, though Teddy's never really made any move to propose. She has no reason to feel this way, like her whole world has just ended. What has she had with Teddy but mystifying feelings and glances across a crowded room? Kisses on the forehead and hugs that last just a second too long?

Nothing, and Victoire and Teddy have had years of so much more than that. It still feels like some great injustice has been committed. Feeling great unfairness, she paints on a bright smile. 'Congratulations, Ted.'

'I'm getting married.' He states quietly, looking completely lost. 'How did I get here?'

Lily's smile doesn't falter. 'Victoire suggested it and you agreed.' She sounds bitter to her own ears, though she hopes it doesn't show. 'Now I'm congratulating you.'

'I don't mean how did I get to be getting married.' He looks pained, but Lily doesn't move any closer. She doesn't really trust herself to. Teddy's voice is distant but his gaze is fixed on her. 'I mean, to be getting married at all. I love Victoire, but -'

'Don't!' Lily shoots forward and presses her fingers to his lips. 'You're getting married. No buts.'

Teddy's fingers clasp her wrist, holding her fingertips to his lips, kissing them. He lowers them, holding her hands in his, close to him so she can't get away. Their bodies are closer too, and his lips press against hers. Merlin, it's just a second, a flash and he's gone, but she's sure so, so sure that she's never going to feel anything like it again. And Teddy must have felt it too, just that second, because he said, very quietly, 'it's never like that with Victoire.'

'But you love her...'

'But I love her.' He repeats slowly and softly. 'I do love her, Lily, but-'

'No. No buts. You - you love her…' Lily nods, almost cracking at the unfairness of it. If her father taught her one thing it was to be fair, to do what she believed to be right. So she pulls her hands away, apparates back to her apartment and wonders where the hell this came from.

* * *

The weekend after Lily's twenty-first birthday, Victoire invites all of her female cousins to help her plan the wedding. Lily scowls, tears up the invitation, then goes anyway. She sits through Victoire's smiles, countless plans and glasses of wine, hoping nobody notices that she's not really taking part.

Molly notices (Lily thinks that she notices everything though, so she can't be really surprised). They walk back through the streets of Muggle London together afterwards because they both live quite close to each other.

'How long have you loved him?' Molly asks as they walk.

'I don't love him.' She replies with conviction.

'Okay.' Molly says, though she doesn't seem to believe it. She doesn't push it though, and Lily's glad. She's glad that she doesn't bring up the fact that she and Teddy avoided each other for all of her party, or the fact that all she really did today was be quiet and drink wine, even though Lily knows that she would have picked up on both things.

And Lily's glad she doesn't comment, because she really isn't ready to come to terms with whatever it is she may or may not feel.

* * *

It's been a few months since Molly confronted her about it. She still isn't willing to put a label on whatever it is that she feels. She tries not to see Teddy too often, definitely not more than she has to. It hurts, but it'd hurt more to see him with Victoire, planning to spend the rest of his life with her. But it's right that they should be together. Victoire's her cousin and she loves Teddy. And Teddy loves her. Lily is just a passing fancy and she knows it.

He's unsure, she's young and he had to know. And now he knows, he can be married happily and certainly. That's what she tells herself, over and over, because why would he kiss her for any other reason?

But now he's on her doorstep, only mere weeks before the wedding. She invites him in, and they stand in the living room in silence. He towers over her, tall and broad and strong. But he's not the tower of strength that he was when they were children.

'Lily,' he begins, voice strained. 'I don't know what to do.'

Lily laughs very slightly because this situation isn't ever what she was expecting. She's said almost the same thing to him so many times in the past, when she was at Hogwarts. It seems like a mockery that he's saying it to her at a time like this.

'You do, Ted.' She answers without even thinking. 'You always know best.'

Teddy laughs this time, it's low and warm but nervous. He doesn't know what to do. 'I don't Lily, I don't. You know best, Ginny Potter's daughter. _You_ always know.'

Lily shakes her head, because that's not true. She doesn't know _anything_. Not one thing that matters. Merlin, she could give good advice to anyone, but to know what to do herself is a whole other thing.

In a quiet voice, Teddy asks, 'Come away with me?'

And Lily is in turmoil all over again. _This is wrong_, she thinks, _Teddy is marrying my cousin, he loves her. He doesn't want me. He can't._

'What about -'

But Teddy interrupts. His hand grasps Lily's, holding them in place, and she can feel the warmth radiating from him and the slight faintness of his breath on her face. He let's go of her abruptly, then takes both of her hands back, like he can't quite decide what to do. He shakes his head. 'Please don't. I love _you_, Lily.'

'Don't you love Victoire?' Lily asks in reply. Her voice doesn't shake, and she's proud, because she knows that she has to be strong. Teddy isn't going to be strong and one of them has to be. Lily can't bring herself to do anything to her cousin. They aren't close, but she knows enough to know that she doesn't deserve this. Lily thinks that maybe if she could ask Victoire how she feels, if she could speak to her then she'd discover something that would make her feel less bad about this. She wants nothing more than to think that Victoire knows that Teddy doesn't completely adore her, that maybe she feels the same. There's no chance of that; Victoire suggested the marriage.

'I do. I do love her. I love her so much. But it's not … the same. It's not the same.' He tightens his grip on her hands. 'Please, Lily…'

Lily can feel the tears finally stinging the backs of her eyelids. 'I can't do it to Victoire. You've been in love for years. You must know what … what I want -' she shuts her eyes and sinks her teeth into her lip. When she opens her eyes, she can see a look in his eyes. He's as torn as she is between what's right and what she wants. 'It doesn't matter. You're with Victoire, you love Victoire. We can't do this. It's not fair.'

He nods in acknowledgement, echoing her words as if to convince himself. 'We can't.'

So he goes with a crushing hug and a light kiss that hold so much finality that Lily cries for hours after he leaves. At least she feels like she's done the right thing. For the first time in her life, it doesn't make her feel any better.

* * *

The wedding takes place regardless, and Teddy does look happy no matter what he said to her before. Both he and Victoire look happy and she's happy to see it. (Lily can't decide whether or not she's tricking herself into thinking that they don't look nearly as happy as Dom and Zanipolo did, or Albus and Scorpius do whenever they're together).

That's a lie of course. She's not happy. She leaves not too long into the reception, complaining of sickness. She thinks that the fact that she's close to tears and that she looks like she hasn't slept in days allows her to leave without many questions.

All she wants to do when she gets home is walk around her empty apartment, feeling empty and alone. When Lily gets home at night, it's to an empty apartment, and when she goes to bed at night, she crawls into bed alone, and when she gets up and drags herself into the kitchen for breakfast, she's alone.

Teddy is the only person she's ever known who she wants to share those things with at all. But Teddy's getting married, so he'll never have to be alone again. Teddy and Victoire can crawl into bed together every night, keep each other warm, and make each other happy with simple things. And really, the unfairness of the whole thing causes the tears to bubble up inside her.

But she doesn't get the chance to cry yet, because there's a knock at the door. Some naïve hope suggests that it might be Teddy. It isn't, though she already knew that.

It's Molly.

The second Lily opens the door, Molly's arms are around her in the biggest, most wonderful hug she's ever received. 'I really am sorry, Lily.' She whispers into her ear, and Lily finds herself being lead into her own living room and pushed down onto her own sofa.

A steaming cup of tea is pushed into her hands a few seconds later, and she takes a sip, though the hot liquid burns her lips and tongue. Tears begin to roll down her cheeks, though it has nothing to do with the pain in her mouth. Her mouth has felt dry and rough all day.

'Are you okay?' Molly asks, though she wasn't expecting a reply. 'Of course you aren't. Is there anything I can do?'

Lily shakes her head. 'No, I'll be fine soon. Thank you for coming, Moll. You know you didn't have to leave the wedding.'

'You left crying and complaining of stomach pains, when quite obviously it isn't your stomach that hurts.' Molly says sympathetically, 'I do know how you feel, you know.'

'How? How can you?' Lily asks, eyes full of empty hope and sadness. Molly wonders how there can be any hope at all there, no matter how empty it is.

'Roxanne and Oscar.' She replies simply, and Lily understands immediately.

'Oh,' she nods, 'but they aren't married, are they?'

'Lily, they've been together for seven years. I'm not going to kid myself, chances of it happening eventually are high.' Molly says with such strength that Lily is in awe of. 'I love Oscar, and you know how hard it is for me with Roxanne. It hurts, but they're happy.'

Lily nods. 'I know. Victoire and Teddy have been dating solidly for years, I'm amazed that -'

'They haven't.'

'What?'

'Been dating solidly. They haven't.' Molly shakes her head and releases a breath. 'They were on-off for years. I don't know why, but it wasn't until about a year ago that they settled into anything firm.'

Suddenly, Lily feels like she's drowning when she was so sure that she could swim. 'H - How do you know?'

'Because I see things. I saw that you loved Teddy, I saw this too. I asked Victoire and she told me.'

'D-Does she love him?' Lily asked, unable to shake the feeling that her whole world is crashing around her all over again. She's grasping at the final things she could reach, grasping at her last chance.

'I think so,' Molly nods slowly. 'Why would she suggest getting married so publicly if she didn't?'

So, with tears running down her cheeks, Lily lets go of every hope.

* * *

When Lily's twenty-three, she finally meets a man who she actually lets take her out for dinner. His name is Mitchell and she surprises herself by enjoying the evening.

Molly's delighted when she tells her. She'd been lost the first year after Teddy married Victoire, and she and Molly had worked up an amiable companionship over that time. Actually, Lily was glad that now she didn't have to go to Hugo about her romances, because that had always been incredibly awkward in the past.

'I'm so glad, Lily!' She grins, and manages to look just like Aunt Audrey. 'What's he like?'

Lily shrugs. 'He's lovely, he's confident and optimistic.'

Molly raises one eyebrow and Lily damns her brilliant skills of observation and her own blatant transparency. 'Okay, okay fine! He's completely the opposite of Teddy. Is that what you wanted?'

'I didn't say anything! I'm just glad that you're finding someone who makes you happy!' Molly does genuinely look happy for her, if a little concerned. 'When can we meet him?'

'Maybe let me go on more than one date first?' Lily smiles, feeling light for the first time in years.

And yet Teddy's still in the back of her mind, where he seems to have taken up permanent residence. Mitch isn't like him and she's glad. It doesn't stop her from wondering why, when he kissed her good night after the date, she didn't feel any of the sparks she did from the brief kiss with Teddy.

* * *

In the year that passes, Lily doesn't see Teddy very often. She always seems to be away when he visits or when there's a family party. It's her job's fault, it takes her to places far away and lets her report on unusual and amazing things.

It is when she returns from Romania, where she had been writing about the Dragons on Uncle Charlie's reserve for the Quibbler, that she sees him and Victoire again. Victoire's glowing.

They hug and make friendly small talk, talking about Lily's trip and Teddy's work, and about the fact that Uncle Charlie _still _hasn't found the right woman. But all the while Lily can't take her eyes from the very slight, telling bump of Victoire's stomach.

* * *

When Lily goes out with Mitch to celebrate her twenty-fifth birthday, it's to a small bistro in Muggle London. He's going to her party tomorrow, accepted by the family as her 'friend' but he'd wanted to do something else, too. Something special, he'd said.

Lily isn't really looking forward to her birthday tomorrow. She'll go to the Burrow, and have a great time with her family. But she'll see Teddy, and she doesn't really think that she wants to see him. Because she's so, so happy for Teddy and Victoire. She doesn't want anything more than for their baby to be born safely and healthily. It's just that whenever she sees Teddy, or even just thinks of him, of his marriage, of Victoire's pregnancy (that she's know known of for a month and still cannot get used to), it throws her into a state of unrest.

Mitch never does that. When she's with him, she can laugh easily and be silly and enjoy herself, and _know_ that Mitch loves her. He doesn't care that she's very often scruffy or ridiculous. He knows not to think of disturbing her when she's in a 'thinking mood'. She loves him _so much_, and she knows that he loves her too.

What does it matter, if she doesn't feel sparks from just a brief kiss, or butterflies in her stomach every second?

Mitch's kisses always last for more than just a second, he kisses with everything he has in him, every time. Butterflies in the stomach were thrilling, but really, they were just for silly teenagers. Butterflies couldn't last a lifetime anyway. Mitch is lovely and comfortable and fun.

And she's sure that Mitch wouldn't marry her cousin. (She knows it's wrong to be bitter when she was the one who told him to go back, but she just can't help it). She loves Mitch. She does.

Still, there's just a tiny, unshakeable part of her that wishes things were different. She thinks that she might finally understand how Teddy felt, six years ago.

* * *

There is no baby with Victoire's clear blue eyes and Teddy's metamorphmagus skills. Victoire miscarries her child at three months. The pain the family feels for both of them is a much as if they had lost a living child that they had all known and nurtured.

Victoire loses her glow and Teddy's eyes lose the extra sparkle that they had had for that time. Something visibly dies in their already strained marriage and Lily isn't happy or glad. She cries for them and it pains her that there is nothing she can do.

* * *

The day after her twenty-six birthday, Lily has lunch with her mum.

'Awful news, Lily.' Her mum says with a sigh after they have exhausted the subject of her work and her relationship with Mitch and have moved onto family issues. 'I know why Teddy and Victoire weren't at your party yesterday.'

'Oh?'

'I spoke to Fleur and it's not good news.' She says, sadly. 'They're getting a divorce.'

Lily swallows her mouthful of food whole, and makes herself splutter for several moments. '_They're what?_'

'I know.' Her mum shakes her head sadly. 'But they haven't really ever been quite the same since…well, you know. According to Fleur, neither of them have been happy for quite a while, even before the baby, so she thinks that it's for the best. Still, it's sad though.'

'I - I - Are they both happy with it?' She asks, voice shaking. She's breathing noticeably more heavily. How many times her life would be thrown into turmoil by Teddy, she might never know.

'As far as we can see they are. I think Teddy's going to stay with your father and I for a few weeks.' She says, looking at her in concern. 'Lily, dear, are you okay? You look pale.'

'I'm sorry Mum, I'm not feeling great.' She fans herself with her hand. 'Do you mind if I go home and get some rest?'

'It's fine, just so long as you're sure that you're okay.'

Lily nods and rushes home. She has to know for herself whether it's true. The note she receives from Teddy in reply simply says '_yes_'. Lily wonders how bad and immoral it is that there a part of her mind that tells her that this is a good thing. The other part of her mind screams about how bad this is. Why, just as she's happy with Mitch, should her happiness be forced to fall into turbulence all over again?

* * *

_Lily,_ Teddy's letter says when she receives it a few days later, _I'm sorry for not explaining in my last letter. Victoire and I decided that we weren't working. I wasn't making her happy, and she wasn't making me feel much better. We've decided that we work far better as friends. Brilliant, close friends, but friends nonetheless. Maybe that's all we ever were. But Victoire's happy again now and I feel so free._

It's at that point that Lily tears the letter up. How dare he feel free, when she hasn't felt free in years? That's what she says to Molly, anyway.

Molly, who shakes her head because she knows better and they both know it. They both know that it makes Lily happy to know that Teddy is free. She wants him to be happy. She doesn't ever want to see his eyes like they were when he lost his unborn child.

'Molly,' she says sipping her tea from a large mug. 'I don't know what to do. I love Mitch, but Teddy…'

'I know. Teddy's Teddy.' She nods appreciatively. 'Is it enough?'

Lily ignores the question, coming up with too many of her own. 'Does he even still want me?'

'His marriage didn't break up for nothing.' Molly states, though that doesn't really answer her question. Her cousin puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. 'I'm sorry, Lily, but I don't think I can help you this time. You'll know what to do.'

'What?' She asks bewildered. 'I've _never _known what to do! Without, I'd probably have lost the plot a long time ago! How will I know what to do this time?'

'This time, I think you have to do what your heart tells you.' Molly stands up to leave. As she goes, she smiles. 'Hey, maybe you should consider yourself lucky that you have the choice to make. I know what I'd do, if I had to chose.'

Lily can't help but feel a little selfish after Molly's left. When Oscar proposed to Roxanne a few months ago, Molly was a broken person and Lily helped her to put herself back together. Just returning a favour, she'd said lovingly. But now Lily had the chance to have the fairytale she'd always wanted.

She doesn't want, has never wanted, any of this mess. She still feels like a child, lost and helplessly confused. She was supposed to find love, get married, have children and be happy. It was supposed to be a fairytale. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with her cousin's fiancé and take four years to find another man who she could love.

A fairytale Prince didn't hurt his Princess. Lily doesn't want to be hurt anymore. She doesn't.

* * *

She isn't surprised when Teddy's face appears in her fireplace a few weeks later. It's late, and she's curled up on the sofa, swirling her hot chocolate with her little finger. 'Can I come round?' He whispers simply, because it is rather late and he's still staying with her parents.

She's almost not sure whether she wants him to, but he's still Teddy, and she's never been able to say no to him in situations like this. And she hasn't seen him since the divorce, though she's seen Victoire. Her mum had been right about Victoire. She looked better than she had since Lily had seen her and Teddy that day in Diagon Alley, when she first knew about her pregnancy. She nods in answer to his question.

Before she even has a chance to try to think of what to do or what to say, he's standing there, in her living room. As she stands, she wonders if she too looks so old, so tired as Teddy does. She wonders if Teddy can see the caution and experience now in her eyes, marking her as a different person from who she was before. She's so young but she feels so old. She can see a different person in him too, but he's still Teddy. And now he's free, and there is no doubt in her mind that he's free for her, if she wants him.

'Lily.' He breathes in the same low, soft voice that drove her crazy when she was sixteen. He moves towards her, and Lily is frozen. His hands cup her face and he kisses her like he is trying to draw out her very soul, or like he is trying to convey all the emotions he feels. Lily's not sure that she's ever been kissed like that before. She can feel the butterflies swooping and dancing in her stomach.

He pulls away, his forehead resting on hers. She thinks that she'd be quite happy to stay in this moment forever. He's so close she can smell his hair and feel his breath on her face and, as she places her hands on Teddy's arms, she feels so safe.

But she isn't safe. She takes Teddy's hands from her face and takes a step back. 'I - I'm sorry, Ted.' Lily says softly. He looks like he doesn't know why she's moved away, and all she has to say is, 'Mitch.'

Lily doesn't look into his eyes again that evening, for fear of seeing sadness there. Sadness she has caused. She just watches as he nods his head slowly.

'I really am sorry, Teddy.' She says honestly, because they've both been through so much and why can it not be easy now? Lily sighs, her whole body feeling heavy. 'I just need more time to think.'

There are tears in her eyes as she sends Teddy away.

* * *

She snuggles into Mitch's embrace when she sees him two days later. It's warm and comfortable and familiar, but that's all. She knows without any doubt what she has to do. 'Mitch?'

He kisses her firmly and she returns it. She shouldn't ever have doubted him, he's far more intelligent than most people give him credit for. He holds her tightly and she can hear his heart beating it's slow, steady rhythm. It's soothing. 'The end?' He asks simply.

He already knows, so she doesn't have to give any speech about how she loves him and about how he's been so amazing to her. She hopes that he already knows that too. 'The end.' She agrees.

He breaks their embrace so that he can see her face. 'Whoever it is, if he ever makes you unhappy, you know you can come to me, don't you?'

She nods. 'Thank you, Mitch.' And she hugs him again, just because she doesn't doubt that this is likely to be the last time. In the years that come, Lily hopes that she'll be able to keep up a friendship with him, but she learnt a long time ago that things aren't so easy.

* * *

It should be so easy now for her to go to Teddy and to have the fairytale ending that her mum always taught her existed. It existed for her in her parents, and in Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron. It existed for so many people, she was sure.

But it isn't easy.

She feels lonely without the support of Mitch behind her. She can see the future. She can see something there with Teddy that isn't going to be easy, but it's going to be wonderful and exciting and even if it isn't, it's going to be with Teddy.

So she decides that, after ten years, she's waited long enough. She's twenty-six years old now, a grown woman. Teddy's thirty-seven and she doesn't feel about him as she did when she was a foolish teenager. Teddy's been married, lost a child and changed. Lily's survived her loneliness and found a true, beloved man who has taught her so much, but not how to love him. She couldn't give her heart to that man when she had given it, for all time, to someone else years before.

No, her love is not the same as it was then. Before, she fancies it was an admiration, grown to a small flame of love. Now, after all these years, it is stout and strong and true, and it will last longer than either of them will on this earth.

She knows that, and now, finally, there is nothing left to stand in their way.

Lily apparates to the front steps of her parent's house, where Teddy is still staying. She doesn't care whether her parents are there or not. She just needs Teddy (just like she always has). She knocks on the door with the old chrome knocker and knows, for the first time, that she is truly going home. She feels warm, happy tears behind her eyelids, a lightness in her whole body, and a smile spreading across her face as Teddy opens the door. As she finally propels herself into his arms, the erratic beating of her heart tells her that this was inevitable, really.


End file.
